What’s the worst that could happen? And who will you still be regardless of the outcome? In today’s podcast, Gabe talks with author Shira Gura about her newest method CLEAR, a implement we can all use to prepare for an upcoming event or situation that is causing anxiety.
Worried about an upcoming exam, a year, or a party where you won’t know anyone? Join us to learn a great method to help CLEAR your head before you go.
Guest information for’ Shira Gura- Mentally Prepare’ Podcast Episode
Shira Gura is an feelings well-being coach. Her background as an occupational therapist, yoga teach, and mindfulness educator conducted her to create two strong self-help tools: The unSTUCK Method( r) and The CLEAR Way( r ). She is the author two volumes: Get unSTUCK: Five Simple Steps to Emotional Well-Being( which was awarded winner of the 2017 International Book Award in self-help ), and most recently The CLEAR Way: Five Simple Steps to Be Mentally Prepared for Anything. Through her coaching, courses, and parish, she steers people to live more purposely. She lives in Israel with her husband and four children.
About The Psych Central Podcast Host
Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and orator who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular volume, Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Findings, available from Amazon; indicated fakes are also available directly from the author . To informed about Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.
Computer Generated Transcript for’ Shira Gura- Mentally Prepare’ Episode
Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer produced and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.
Announcer: You’re listening to the Psych Central Podcast, where guest experts in the field of psychology and mental health share thought-provoking information using plain, daily usage. Here’s your emcee, Gabe Howard.
Gabe Howard: Hello, everyone, and welcome to this week’s episode of The Psych Central Podcast, I’m your emcee Gabe Howard and announcing into the show today, we have Shira Gura. Shira’s background is as an occupational therapist, yoga teacher and mindfulness educator. And it extended her to write the book The CLEAR Way: Five Simple Steps to Be Mentally Readied for Anything. She’s also the host of the Living Deliberately Together podcast. She makes her home in Israel with her husband and four children, Shira, welcome to the show.
Shira Gura: Thank you so much. It is so great to be back.
Gabe Howard: Well, I am very glad to have you back again now, given all that is going on in the world with COVID-1 9 being mentally prepared for anything seems most important now than perhaps at any other point, at least in my lifetime. How does your work is appropriate to everything that’s happening in the world?
Shira Gura: Yeah, I actually feel undoubtedly when I was writing the book starting last year, this is before COVID hit and I had no idea that the publication of the book was going to come out at the same time during the thumped of this pandemic. And it is a wonderful tool for the time period that we’re in right now, because as we’ll get into in the podcast, it’s a tool that helps prepare you before you go into any future moment. It genuinely helps grind you and helps you be ready.
Gabe Howard: It sounds like a great, joyful collision, and I’m one of these parties that I try to stay away from the extremes, you are familiar with, black and white thinking has get me personally in perturb. It’s interesting to me, because if I would have read the title of your record a year ago, Five Simple Steps to Be Mentally Planned for Anything, I would’ve been like anything? Certainly, anything? But as we did the pre work for the show, I was like, look, if it works in a world-wide pandemic, we might be as far along the path to anything as we can possibly get. So I’m so glad that you wrote the book.
Shira Gura: I am, too.
Gabe Howard: All title, as we mentioned at the top of the reveal, you’re a returning guest, so I just wanted to waste time a couple of moments on your previous volume and your previous incident where we talked about coming unSTUCK: Five Simple Steps to Emotional Well-Being. Just real quick, sort of baseline it for long time listeners to the show that have heard both chapters. What’s the difference between the unSTUCK method and the CLEAR Way approach?
Shira Gura: Both tools are actually be useful for emotional well-being, but the unSTUCK method you would really use for something that happened in the past and the past could be a minute ago and it could be 10 several years ago. I got stuck on anger. I got stuck on frustration or I was stuck on guilt, are things that already happened. And I’m stuck on them because I have an emotion attached to a legend that already happened. I use the unSTUCK method in order to better to get myself out of the hole, out of that fasten distinguish. But the CLEAR way is a tool that you use for the future. If you are going into a exhibition, if you are anticipating a difficult conversation with person, if you are about to go to work, if you’re about to work with a buyer even and you want to just get clear for yourself before you start work, this is where the CLEAR way would be useful. They are both powerful self-help tools that are step by step because they’re both based on acronyms, but they are really used for two different purposes.
Gabe Howard: Can you pay us some examples of where you would want to get clear in your life?
Shira Gura: If you can think about any statu where you have a feeling of worry or concern or nervousnes or suspicion going to get that instant, this would be the tool that you would use. For example, I came clear before we started this interview.
Gabe Howard: Nice.
Shira Gura: I get clear. Yeah. And it’s not that I was having so much anxiety. I do interviews a good deal. But again, it’s a future instant that I’m not sure what to expect. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if the Internet is going to work. I don’t know if I’m going to stumble on my statements. So I need to get clear.
Gabe Howard: Thank you so much better. And when you pitched being on the prove, “youve said”, hey, would Gabe be willing to be a guinea pig and contribute his own difficulty and be ambled through the CLEAR way? And I conceived, hey, why not
Shira Gura: We did it on the first bout, and it worked well with getting unSTUCK.
Gabe Howard: We did, and it was a lot of fun and I learned some substance about myself, and I truly think that the listeners understood the instance, so we’re going to try it again. So can you walk me through the CLEAR way?
Shira Gura: I would be pleased to do that, the first thing that we need to know is what do you need to get clear about? So you can think of anything. But we need to pinpoint one example in your life where you have feelings of apprehension, of concern, of concern, of anxiety going to get a future moment.
Gabe Howard: I think that’s perfect. I have my first live communication since March coming up in a few weeks. Obviously, I’ve done virtual nonsense and continued hosting the podcast, but Gabe Howard in a room with an actual audience whom could hurl tomatoes at me, first time in numerous, countless months in a week.
Shira Gura: That’s fantastic, that’s a great speciman. Let’s do that. OK.
Gabe Howard: Excellent. All claim, what’s step one?
Shira Gura: So this is an acronym, five stairs, C L E A R, so the first step is C is for calm. It very much relates to the unSTUCK method with the first step, S, was stop. It’s basically the same thing. This is a step where you take a moment to redirect your attention away from the narrative, away from the future, away from all of the passions that you’re feeling. And we’re going to bring it to the present moment so that you can allow your mind to rest for a moment. So we’re going to eventually addressed in the spirits and kind of go to rational contemplation. In order to better to do that, we really need to get ourselves in a locate of soothe. And this doesn’t need to be long. It doesn’t need to be a 30 -minute meditation. It “couldve been” only one depth gulp or a few deep breathers, but something even symbolic to say, OK, I’m getting clear. I’m going to start. And the first thing that I’m going to do is get calm.
Gabe Howard: Yeah, I’m going to take a real big, late wheeze. I don’t know if it will come through on the podcast, but I want to assure the listeners that that I’m doing it.
Shira Gura: Ok, and while you’re doing it, if you want, you can close your eyes and you can imagine yourself in the place where you’re going to give the speech, you’re about, let’s say, to walk up the steps to the stage and you’re going to give your pronunciation. And in that moment, “youre telling”, I’m getting clear. I’m going to first, I’m going to get calm.
Gabe Howard: All right.
Shira Gura: All claim, the next step is L and that’s for Lighten. When you are going into a future instant, when you have all of these excitements, you probably have sensations that are feeling ponderous, right? Feelings of suspicion and worry and anticipation. Those are heavy feelings and they alter us physiologically. So the next step L for Lighten is we uncover what are the guess that we have about developments in the situation as we’re going into it? And then we see if we can lighten our thoughts by somewhat deepening our speech. We’ll do this together. See if you can uncover a thought that you have that says something like, I know something is going to happen, some kind of negative thing is going to happen.
Gabe Howard: I know that I’m going to be out of rule, I know that I’m going to stumble over commands. I is a well-known fact that the bringing is not going to be as pristine. I intend, it’s been months. There’s just no way that it could be.
Shira Gura: Yeah, huge. Perfect, and that’s so important for you to uncover what those thinks are, because they’re there. They’re there in your mind
Gabe Howard: Yeah, they are.
Shira Gura: And oftentimes we don’t even know or precisely it’s instinctive. So we’re expose them. Now, you’re saying I know I’m going to be out of tradition. I know I’m going to stumble. I know my bringing isn’t going to be perfect. And the question is, do “weve been” know that? Do we know what’s going to happen in the future? The truth is, we don’t know. We have no idea what’s going to happen. Right? And so we change our lingo to it might happen. It’s a possibility that might happen. But we take away like the I know, which is a really heavy reflect. And it really kind of creates that reality, like I know it’s going to happen. So that’s what’s going to happen as opposed to I have a feeling that might happen. But you can even hear in my utter, it relieves. It relieves your thought and it affects you again physiologically. Can you try one or two of those changing its own language?
Gabe Howard: I’m somewhat cynical by nature, but I can say that you’re right, saying I know is arrogant, right? I can’t see the future, so I can certainly consider for Gabe Howard altering it from I know this is going to happen to I think that it might happen or even I’m concerned that it could happen, which I can sounds significant differences. I’m worried that something will happen. Is a far cry from I know it’s going to happen. I worry about a lot of things that don’t come true.
Shira Gura: Yes.
Gabe Howard: So you’re right. It does feel greatly lighter.
Shira Gura: But the language that we use in our lives is so important for our feeling and mental health. I think it’s something that parties exactly don’t even “ve been thinking about”. But it is really important how we use our lingo. Let’s go to the next step, which is E and this is for Expect. And so here we’re going to uncover what are your promises, what are your hopes, what do you wish for? What do you want to happen?
Gabe Howard: I require, like a standing ovation and fireworks and beings encouraging. Reasonably, I want a good discussion, a good presentation, an engaged audience, I want people to laugh at my jokes and, you know , nod at the serious segments. I require engagement, but I require the gathering to behave how I expect the public to behave.
Shira Gura: Awesome. Those are wonderful uncovering of your possibilities and it’s so important to uncover your apprehensions because this is typically what comes us fasten when our hopes aren’t met. You want a standing ovation, you require fireworks, you demand clapping. You demand a really great speech. You miss engagement. That sounds like the most important thing is you want the booking. You want the nods and the laughter and the
Gabe Howard: Yes.
Shira Gura: Ok, magnificent. Right now we’re going to go to the next step. You ready? This one’s kind of difficult. OK. A is for Accept. In this pace, us to be able to radically accept the opposite of what it is that you want so that if the expectations that you actually want aren’t met, you’re not going to get stuck because you will have accepted in advance the opportunities that that was going to happen regardles. In this pace we’re not missing, right? We’re not saying, we’re not want the opposite of what we want to have, that’s not what we’re doing. We’re just accepting the possibility that the opposite of what we want may happen because it might. And if it does, and that’s reality, what are you going to do with it besides abode it in that moment?
Gabe Howard: So just to clarify a little bit, you know, in my occurrence, I could accept that the crowd would boo and get up and leave, but I think that that’s too far, more extreme. I don’t really participate any, I don’t, I don’t see any scenario where that they are able to realistically happen. Realistically, the worst-case scenario is that the gathering is borne. It’s probably important for somebody doing this method to not vanish so extreme. Like I’m going to accept that the gathering propels tomatoes at me. That’s probably not a good operation of the method. I’m going to accept that the public is birthed. Would that be better? Is like predominating that in smart?
Shira Gura: Yes, astounding, so I to be expected that I’m going to have amazing engagement, right, and I can radically is recognized that I might not have amazing engagement. Right?
Gabe Howard: I’m accepting that there ho-hum. They’re going to be genteel. I’m not contribute a addres to a unfriendly audience , no matter how bad I am, they’ll give the cursory applause at the end. And yeah, I’ve never had tomatoes hurled at me and I’ve never been booed. But I’ve certainly glanced out at the public and ascertained a lot of beings checking their telephones and watches and that has happened before. If so, that’s the ultimate worst-case scenario and it doesn’t happen very often, but it feels crummy where reference is does.
Shira Gura: The question is, can you accept that now? Can you accept that that’s a possibility that might happen?
Gabe Howard: I can, I can,
Shira Gura: Ok, great.
Gabe Howard: Yes, I can accept that, that they will think that I am ho hum. And they are able to politely golf clap as I leave the stage.
Shira Gura: Good, so I can accept the possibility, right?
Gabe Howard: Yes. I can accept the possibility that they are able bored.
Shira Gura: Yeah, it’s just a alternative, right, again , not what we wanted
Gabe Howard: Yes.
Shira Gura: It, but it’s a possibility,
Gabe Howard: Yes.
Shira Gura: You can’t move forward if you’re being held back behind. So it’s really important that you can be able to just accept it as a possibility, which you did. Great
Gabe Howard: We’ll be right back after we hear from our sponsors.
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Gabe Howard: We’re back speaking with Shira Gura, the author of The CLEAR Way: Five Simple Steps to Be Mentally Cooked for Anything.
Shira Gura: Last-place step, R. This is for responsibility. This is where you take responsibility for your road of being , not your path of doing and not your lane of having, but your style of being. Who is it that you want to commit to being in an adjective form? So that no matter what happens, there’s not engagement, they don’t jest at your jokes, you stumble , no matter what happens, you still stay footed and committed to your space or ways and means to being. This is where you take responsibility for yourself and you exhaust responsibility of anything outside of you that you don’t really have insure over. There’s endless behaviors that we can be maybe one or three statements. What kind of speaker do you want to commit to being?
Gabe Howard: I want to commit to being a confident, professional, unflappable talker. I certainly feel that the best talkers are ones that don’t affect their public or their clients or. The best speakers too understand that let’s say that there’s 100 parties in the audience and it simply takes about 40 or 50 percent of an audience to build the audience seem like they’re uninterested. It’s certainly possible that you got through to 20, 30, 40, 50 percent of the public. I like what you said about taking responsibility because so often I accompany speakers get angry at their gathering. And I think that’s, that’s not the acces this works. They don’t owe you anything. You’re there for them. They’re not there for you. So I like the take responsibility. I like that. I want to be a professional, unflappable speaker.
Shira Gura: Good. Awesome. Now, wait a sec.
Gabe Howard: Who projects confidence.
Shira Gura: Awesome, frightening. I want you to know what you just said again. I truly guess expression is one of the keys to mental health issues. I want to be a professional, confident, unflappable loudspeaker. That’s the last thing you just said. Right? I want
Gabe Howard: Yes.
Shira Gura: To be and listen to how different it is from I want to be that kind of speaker to I am committed to being that kind of speaker. You listen the difference?
Gabe Howard: I do, I do. I want to be a good husband versus I’m committed to being a good husband. Like, who do you want to be or who do you want to marry? Somebody who wants to do it or somebody who’s committed to doing it?
Shira Gura: Exactly.
Gabe Howard: I think of my own relationships and yeah. Yeah, I don’t want person that wants to be in a fortunate wedlock. I want to be with somebody who’s committed to being in a fortunate marriage.
Shira Gura: Exactly.
Gabe Howard: I think we all understand that in relationships. We’re spreading that out. Right to everything else. I know I’m asking a lot of like the issues of between, but yeah, I, you’re right. If my partner came back me and said I want to be happy in our union, I meditate, oh, that doesn’t sound good. But if she said I’m committed to being happy in our wedlock, I’d be like, all right, all right, let’s do this. Arm in forearm. Let’s go. Nice. I like it.
Shira Gura: It’s a different floor, right?
Gabe Howard: It is, it is.
Shira Gura: And it’s like one word, it’s one word, but it changes the world, it truly alters the world countries. So your ways of being are like an fix to a ship. OK, that is how you are grounding yourself. They are in your ways of being. That’s who you are. So no matter what comes your style, if you’re on a ship and there’s going to be movements and there are going to be billows, right. Things are going to happen. It’s not going to be a smooth run in your wedlock or in the talk or in this interview or whatever. Nothing is ever 100 percentage smooth. So no matter what happens, your ways of being are your anchor. And so it’s exactly what you’re saying. It’s like I’m committed to doing this. It’s not that I want to be these ways, because if I really want to be these ways, the secure is going to get unleashed. You know, you’re going to float away. But if you are committed to being these ways, that fasten is going to stay in the soil. So it’s perfect, it’s exactly what you said. And so that’s the last step. And of course, if you want to go more into this work in that last step, what you could do is you could visualize your future self. So what does a confident loudspeaker look like? What does a confident speaker say or behave or how does he react? The next tier would be creating future developments ego ahead of time, seeing yourself ahead of time, being that person and then manifesting it.
Gabe Howard: I like it and I can see how it fits together now. Now, merely to recap, CLEAR stands for?
Shira Gura: Calm, Lighten, Expect, Accept, Responsibility.
Gabe Howard: And again, it’s for stuff that’s coming up in the future, so this is what I’d use for my first day of exertion or my bridal date or even something as simple as my mothers coming to visit or my marriage coming home from work. It’s broad-minded appeal.
Shira Gura: It could be anything. I is cooperating with my minor last-place light, he started a new school and he’s 12. The boys in his school have been together since the age of 3. And he’s the new kid on the block. And he tends to be shy and he wants to make friends. And no one is really approaching him. And he wanted to approach kids to ask them if they want to play baseball, because here in Israel , nobody dallies baseball. They don’t even know what baseball is. But my babies have baseball mitts and they have a baseball. And he wanted to say, does anyone want to have a catch with me, but he was poked. Right? He was stuck on fear of abandonment. And so I sat with him last nighttime before he went to sleep. I said, let’s get clear. Let’s do clearly defined who you’re going to be no matter what happens , no matter if they rebuff you and they say no or they say, yeah, let’s have I’d be happy to have a catch with you.
Gabe Howard: I like that lesson a good deal, so how can our listeners learn these tools, are they difficult to learn? My question is, is it difficult to learn? My listeners’ question is, is how can they learn?
Shira Gura: Yeah, the tools are not difficult. They are simple, right? That’s one of the reasons I initiated these implements. I procreated them actually for myself. And then I of course, I educate them to other parties, but they are simple to learn. And it’s not so much are they easy to learn or difficult to learn. It’s more of how can I get tradition in using them? It’s one thing to acquire a implement. It’s another thing perfectly to say I practiced in it. I know how to get unSTUCK from anything. I are well aware to get CLEAR from anything. And that doesn’t happen overnight. That happens over time in community with beings, working with parties. That’s really how this happens. So in terms of where you can learn about it, I have two books.
Gabe Howard: Yeah, where do they find them?
Shira Gura: You can find them on Amazon and you can find them on my website, ShiraGura.com. But what you can also find on my Web site is a track announced The Living Deliberately Blueprint. And inside of this course are videos of me going beings through both implements step by step. There was still worksheets. There are guided meditations. And in addition to lots of other goodies that are inside of that course, anyone who enrolls is invited into my private Facebook group and free monthly amass. So it’s a community, and then it’s, again, the practice.
Gabe Howard: Shira, thank you so much for everything. Thank you for helping me with my discussion. Next week, I’ll drop you an email and let you know how it goes.
Shira Gura: I would love to hear and I would encourage you to get clear hours before or half an hour before whatever. It’s not enough that we did it here. I would encourage you to do it again, like actually have it fresh in your thinker and really see yourself on that stage before you go up there. And good luck with it.
Gabe Howard: You know, I really like that, and I like that it also becomes something to occupy your subconsciou. As somebody who suffers from anxiety, my attention often ultra focuses on the worst-case scenario. It is just like by going through the CLEAR method, I can continue my imagination occupied on that. Now, again, if you don’t have anxiety or, you know, your mileage may alternate, but for me, it gives me something proactive to do to concentrate on. Do you find that in your work? Is that accurate or am I just moving stuff up?
Shira Gura: No, absolutely, perfectly. In point, I’m contributing a challenge right now inside of my private Facebook group and each person in the new challenges is practising to being one thing. This is broad range. So one person is practicing to be a non-overeater, one person is practicing to be a nondrinker and one person is practicing to be friendly. I intend, it’s really broad-spectrum. And what I recommend them to do is every single day wake up and substantiate out loud who are you being? Because if we’re drill to be somebody that we’re not frequently being, then we’re going to forget. We’re just going to be our default selves. As you wake up every day, and “youve said”, I’m committing to being a loving wife. I am committing to being a nondrinker. You truly set the stage for the day by affirming who you are being every single day when you wake up. It rectifies you up for the working day. And like you said, it contributes the sentiment something to rest on in a positive way so that your head doesn’t slip back into that default home of negativity, which happens for everyone, because that’s just how the human brain works.
Gabe Howard: Anything that avoids parties from slipping into negativity, I think is its own success. Once you start to think poorly about something, you create a self-fulfilling prophecy. At least that’s been my own experience. And certainly, being able to distract your sentiment with something proactive and positive, I have to imagine, initiates a potent expiration result.
Shira Gura: It wholly does, and I’m doing the new challenges, by the way, I’m enter and I am committing to being a loving wife. It’s not that I’m like a mean spouse or something like that, but I’m probably not like the most loving wife I could be. And I said, you know what? This is what I’m going to work on for 30 eras. And I’m invariably observing myself saying this throughout the day. You are committing to being a loving wife, right? Because sometimes it’s not easy. And I precisely restrain saying to myself, in the morning I say it, when my husband comes home from design, I say it, and I merely and it’s great. It’s so helpful to have those names in my head as a remembrance , who is it that I want to be?
Gabe Howard: Shira, thank you so much for being here. We really revalue having you.
Shira Gura: Thank you so much better for the interview. It was really great to see you again.
Gabe Howard: You’re very, very much appreciated. Hey, everybody, my figure is Gabe Howard and I am the author of Mental Illness Is an Asshole, which is available on Amazon, or you can get a ratified fake with all kinds of cool swag, including stickers from The Psych Central Podcast for less coin only by lead over to gabehoward.com. Let me tell you about our super-secret Facebook page you should perfectly check out, just go to PsychCentral.com/ FBShow. And retain, you can get one week of free, accessible, inexpensive, private online advise any time anywhere simply by call BetterHelp.com/ PsychCentral. We will see everybody next week.
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